Hello, hello :)

At the end of December, I was deep in a space of contemplating whether one more January communication about the new year would be an ingredient to enrich your inbox and lives and I decided that in this instance, less is more. Alas, here I am writing at the end of January, one month into 2024, still deep in my contemplative state about ingredients to enrich our lives.

As some know, I am in the midst of a wildly exciting and longed for chapter — the journey of pregnancy to my first Earthly baby. As of this moment, I am 27 weeks pregnant with a uterus the size of a basketball (according to my Baby Center app). To be candid, I am in complete awe of what is happening within me and deeply committed to this tiny human I feel moving and growing in my womb. To also be candid, this season has been a continuation proving to me how multiple emotions and things can be true at any, one given moment. What I continue to learn is that holding space for the joy, excitement, wonder, awe, grief, sorrow, anxiety, fear, everything is vital to being human — it all belongs, yet holding space for all of it sometimes feels like weathering a storm.

I have also recently started a year long program with The Living School, Center for Action and Contemplation (CAC) which feels so surreally timed. The main learning objectives for the program are to deepen my awareness of the divine energy around and in each of us, in addition to meeting myself and others with deeper compassion, care, intention and less judgement. As I journey closer to motherhood, I feel immensely fortunate to be learning from and in shared spaces with some amazingly compassionate, wise, and kind spiritual elders at this very moment in time.

Recently, in one communication from CAC, I learned about the Gumbo Limbo tree. Have you ever heard of, or witnessed a Gumbo Limbo tree? They are found in South Florida and Central America — they are known to be some of the most wind resilient trees on the planet. In fact, during a hurricane, their deep, vast roots take the lead and the tree willingly accepts it must allow each leaf and branch to break off in order for the trunk to be stable enough to withstand the storm. This inner knowing of their vast and strong roots being the key to survival, while shedding what is visible and admired by the world in their leaves and branches, really strikes me.

How am I drawing a connection from where I am to the Gumbo Limbo tree, you ask? In essence, pregnancy is changing me. This season of life has and continues to change and test me. I am learning to be more like the Gumbo Limbo tree — asking myself, Caitlin what is essential for surviving and thriving right now and in this life you’ve been given? And, the conclusion I’m coming to (that life has certainly had a large hand in making clear), is that just like the Gumbo Limbo tree I must willingly accept and release the leaves and branches that do not serve my survival and ability to thrive. I must focus intentionally on strengthening the resiliency within my trunk. Furthermore, I must do this by focusing on the enriching and vast roots that I grow from. The things that may be more visible to others that society has deemed “most important”, like the advancing career, fancy car, instagramable marriage, styled and coveted house just aren’t the things that will hold me up through the hurricane. Do you know what will? My roots & resilient trunk. The roots that are enriched by the soil of the deep and vast relationships I’m blessed to have in this life.

These are the leaves and branches I’ve released, as of late …

Being a ‘successful’ and prosperous entrepreneur or at the very least, appearing to be one — Goodish + Growing has not played out anything like I had imagined/hoped for. I’m accepting this and leaning into evolutions, stillness and giving over, not giving up. I will keep writing and sustain the energy that is fitting for this season but I will pause on pursuing any coaching work for the foreseeable future.
Being a ‘successful’ and contributing member on a large scale team — I’ve been hot on the trail of securing full time work for several months, because #steadyincomeisnecessary and I’ve faced more rejection than ever before. It’s been humbling, insanely frustrating and crocodile tear inducing. I will remain on this path but not hyper focused on it. A door will open, eventually.
Being a person with an active social media presence — this has long been a struggle for me because I feel I need it to build a business/stay relevant, yet I crave realness, rawness and depth which I personally do not receive on social. I haven’t been active since posting about my pregnancy and I feel freedom & liberation in that, I will hold this expectation loosely moving forward.
Being a person that considers everyone else before myself, or more recently before baby. Honestly, this has been the biggest and most welcomed shift from being pregnant. This tiny human that has been very active and thriving inside of me has made me reconsider everything — will this decision leave me feeling enriched and whole for myself and baby? If there is even a hint of hesitancy it’s a hard no/pass. This has resulted in some big and tough decisions. Big and tough decisions that will strengthen my trunk in the long run.

Overall, I’m finding myself paying deep attention to the deep (& sometimes very hard) dimensions of life — this is contemplation, after all. I am proud to be strengthening my trunk, enriching my roots and continuously choosing vulnerability and resiliency, over comfort and complacency.

The dimensions of life I’m paying deep attention to…

Walking the path of supporting my mother in placing my father in a full time care facility for individuals with dementia in early February.
Relocating to The City of Good Neighbors and where majority of my family lives and loves — Buffalo, NY — right around that same time.
Saying absolutely tear soaked see you laters to the people I love deeply and consider family in Charlotte, NC — Charlotte has been my home for almost 14 years and my roots here will always remain.
Feeling and expressing gratitude for the rich relationships I have that enrich my soil and feeling freedom to release those that do not. The tension of doing this is a constant lesson for me.
Cherishing all the moments — blissful and painful, alike - of the third trimester until baby’s arrival around May 1st.
Deepening my inner knowing of the resiliency of my trunk and vast/deep roots.
Growing awareness of the divine energy around me, in all of these moments, in all of these dimensions. I believe God lives in all of this — she’s there if I sit long enough to see or hear her.

If you’ve read all of this, I am so grateful to you. I long to hear what branches and leaves you are shedding? What resilient aspects of your trunk and vast roots are you growing in awareness of/holding stronger to? How have the seasons of your life continued to show you who you are and what’s important to you?

I close with immense gratitude to each of you.

Deep love and gratitude,

Caitlin

Xoxo

Be [More Like] A Gumbo Limbo Tree

Misunderstood Ostrich

tis’ the season…